Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Ophelia


All Accidental Drunks must have, aside from the obvious penchant for inadvertent intoxication, a commitment to cocktail excellence.  We take our mixology seriously.  In that vein, the first task for any Accidental Drunk is to create an original self-titled cocktail.  This is a mission not to be taken lightly.  One must capture one’s own life essence in liquid form.  It requires a sort of inspired artistry with booze as one’s medium and elegant stemware the canvas (did I mention we take our liquor seriously?). 
     
So, today, my fellow booze hounds, I present you:  The Ophelia



Hellooo pretty. 
 
This cocktail is springtime in a glass.  It’s fresh, feminine, floral, and f**king amazing (if I do say so myself). 

But, don’t take my word for it—try it for yourself:

The Ophelia

1 shot Square One Organic Cucumber infused vodka *
1 ½ shots Crème De Violette
½ shot cranberry juice
Fresh lemon juice
Sugar
Edible Orchids

Line the rim and inside of glass with fresh lemon juice.  Shake vodka, Crème De Violette, & cranberry juice.  Serve straight up in a cocktail glass rimmed with sugar.  Float an edible orchid for garnish.

*To make your own cucumber infused vodka:  pour your favorite vodka into a pitcher with half of a peeled cucumber.  Let sit overnight.  Remove the cucumber and get to mixing!


Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Accidental Drunks, A History


Who ARE the Accidental Drunks, you ask?  How did such an elite group of cocktail enthusiasts come into being?  I have three letters for you: 
 
A.

M.

F.

It all began on a heady spring afternoon with an impromptu gathering at a local watering hole for cocktails.  As we approached the lounge, their A-frame sidewalk sign advertised the infamous AMF as their cocktail special of the day.

“What is an AMF?” I inquired of the bartender. 
  
 “It’s a Long Island with Blue Curacao instead of coke,” he replied.

What I should have heard:  “We take the sole ingredient in a Long Island that ISN’T booze, and replace it with one that is.  Buckle up, B**ches!”

And then, founding member Cannonball Jack and I said the words that could never be taken back:  

“We’ll take two!”

Founding members Dirty Maybone and Tanker got caught up getting their engagement photos taken and so didn’t arrive until Jack and I were half way into our cocktails and buzzing like tracker jackers.

Maybone:  What are you having?

Me:  They have AMFs on special—and, they’re Uhhhhmazing!

Maybone:  Oh boy.  Adios Mother F**kers.  *shakes head*

Me:  Huh?

Maybone (by far the most informed Accidental Drunk):  That’s what the AMF stands for.

Me:  Oh sh*t….

Jack:  *laughs* (if you knew Jack, you would know that this indicates alcohol is definitely at play)

Tanker:  *laughing* Good times.

Dirty Maybone and Tanker then ordered AMFs as well—all for one and one for all—and all that.

More AMFs were ordered, dive bars infiltrated, initials carved in wood, ho-trains established, tables danced upon, rounds purchased for strangers, and, of course, bundle kisses for one and all.  Any more details are privileged information for members only—and, you’ve yet to be fully vetted. 
 
The morning after phone call:

Maybone:  Dude.  What the hell?

Me:  I don’t know….

Maybone:  I mean, seriously…what the HELL?

Me:  I don’t even know…It’s like…it’s like we all just accidentally got drunk…

Maybone:  Oh my god…we did.  That’s it.  We’re The Accidental Drunks.  

Me:  *gasp* That’s exactly what we are!

Tanker (in the background):  *laughing*  Yes!

And, the rest, my friends, is blurry history.