Who ARE the Accidental Drunks, you ask? How did such an elite group of cocktail
enthusiasts come into being? I have three
letters for you:
A.
M.
F.
It all began on a heady spring afternoon with an impromptu
gathering at a local watering hole for cocktails. As we approached the lounge, their A-frame
sidewalk sign advertised the infamous AMF as their cocktail special of the day.
“What is an AMF?” I inquired of the bartender.
“It’s a Long Island
with Blue Curacao instead of coke,” he replied.
What I should have heard:
“We take the sole ingredient in a Long Island that ISN’T booze, and
replace it with one that is. Buckle up,
B**ches!”
And then, founding member Cannonball Jack and I said the
words that could never be taken back:
“We’ll take two!”
Founding members Dirty Maybone and Tanker got caught up
getting their engagement photos taken and so didn’t arrive until Jack and I
were half way into our cocktails and buzzing like tracker jackers.
Maybone: What are you
having?
Me: They have AMFs on
special—and, they’re Uhhhhmazing!
Maybone: Oh boy. Adios Mother F**kers. *shakes head*
Me: Huh?
Maybone (by far the most informed Accidental Drunk): That’s what the AMF stands for.
Me: Oh sh*t….
Jack: *laughs* (if
you knew Jack, you would know that this indicates alcohol is definitely at
play)
Tanker: *laughing*
Good times.
Dirty Maybone and Tanker then ordered AMFs as well—all for
one and one for all—and all that.
More AMFs were ordered, dive bars infiltrated, initials
carved in wood, ho-trains established, tables danced upon, rounds purchased for
strangers, and, of course, bundle kisses for one and all. Any more details are privileged information
for members only—and, you’ve yet to be fully vetted.
The morning after phone call:
Maybone: Dude. What the hell?
Me: I don’t know….
Maybone: I mean,
seriously…what the HELL?
Me: I don’t even
know…It’s like…it’s like we all just accidentally got drunk…
Maybone: Oh my god…we
did. That’s it. We’re The Accidental Drunks.
Me: *gasp* That’s
exactly what we are!
Tanker (in the background):
*laughing* Yes!
And, the rest, my friends, is blurry history.
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